Showing up for the person you want to be…

I had a lot of struggles in my life that set me back for a time, with family, finances, and health. It happens. Were all human. But I got over this and finally began to become the person I wanted to grow into. But despite moving myself towards becoming this person a day at a time, I still found myself struggling with old parts of myself. Being the person I wanted to be, yet blocking myself at the same time and just believing that eventually I would wake up and feel better, but that day never truly seemed to come….

I wasn’t understanding that I was blocking myself from becoming the person I was truly trying to “get to” out of fear, not patience. I was allowing an old version of myself to run the show out of fear. I would be fine for days, sometimes weeks, and then something would happen or be observed that would bring up an old memory and I would begin to self soothe and be patient, which was fine, but I was not recognizing that what was actually occurring was that an old version of myself was showing up, and that I would get into habits of entertaining this old version, and it would get to the point of taking control over my brain and my outcomes for a time.  

Like a few weeks ago….

I was feeling terrible, and after several days of trying to be ok and self-soothe, it was starting to feel miserable. It was beginning to show up on my face, in my sleep, in my mood. I was putting important things on hold until I felt better, and it dawned on me that I need to start showing up for the person I am choosing to become, not the person I used to be while I was healing this old stuff. And as much as I am and will probably always be a “self-lover”, I needed to stop self-soothing this and stop entertaining it. As soon as I recognized this and began to envision myself as the person I want to be, and chose to no longer entertain the drama in my head, something funny happened, my brain responded…. almost as if saying “ok, is this what you meant?”

Within a few minutes of focusing on what I want and trusting I was ok, coaching myself enough so that I didn’t feel in “danger” anymore, then getting on with life, within minutes, my brain cleared up, my thought processes were starting to return to normal, and I began moving forward with my goals again. And by the next day, I felt back on track, like my old self again!

Our minds are designed to protect us from fear, and I was allowing an old version of myself to run the show out of fear for a time.

These days, I find it helps so much more to keep focusing on the outcomes and the person you are becoming and continually showing up for this person. And I mean stuff like:

• Getting my steps in
• Eating clean
• Getting enough sleep
• Meditating
• To keep working on the short-term goals I have set for myself
• To keep up with my self-love routines, which include dressing nicely for myself so I feel confident.

These may not be your goals, but the point I’m making is that you feel better putting the energy into the life and person you truly want to be instead of spending so much energy on a person you don’t choose to be or someone that doesn’t fit your life anymore. I know, I did this for years, and it felt like it sucked years of my life away on worry and self-doubt! Showing up for myself meant stopping the hours, or worse, days, spent stuck on old crap in my head, so I could give 110% to the tasks needed to become the person I have chosen to be from conscious awareness (like the above tasks), whatever that looks like for you!

Again, I don’t mean ignore serious issues. If you feel you need to seek medical help, always trust your instincts. And it is still important to take time for self-care and self-love routines so that we are staying in alignment with the person that our hearts truly want, not a person someone else wants us to become, or someone you feel you need to be for others. Always trust your heart and stay true to yourself.

See you next time!